No Big Deal? (Next Day added)

Biometrics, noun

the application of statistical analysis to biological data

In case you didn't catch the operative word in that definition, it's 'biological'. That's an adjective that means, of or relating to biology or living organisms. And 'biology' means, the study of living organisms . . . morphology, physiology, anatomy, behavior, . . . In other words, biometrics means analyzing the physical aspects of living beings, such as myself as it relates to my BODY. 

That's the understanding I bring to the appointment we have bright and early tomorrow morning at the Czech Ministry of the Interior, previously known as the Foreign Police. =8-0

I keep wondering what possible biological (my BODY) information they're going to want to gather for analysis. I mean I'm thankful that our visa application has been granted and all, but at what intimate personal cost? 

Maybe this type of thing doesn't upset you, so you can't quite grasp my concern. Let me share a little bit about myself to see if that helps. 

I'm not afraid of the medical world though getting injections and being stitched are not my favorite activities. I'm not overly comfortable with folks poking and prodding me, but I've found a way to accept the full body scans at the airport, not to mention the pat-downs that are required when I pass through the metal detectors in a wheelchair - no joy but doable. 

In this I think I've been a trooper with the whole international travel bit. However, I find it offensive, even abhorrent, every time I notice one of the retina scanners that provide speedy passage through passport control. I mean who would want to give up an electronic record of their retinae to be delivered at will to who knows where or whom? Not me. Ugh!

My 'unease' about sharing biological (my BODY) information hit a peak last January shortly after we landed in Nairobi. We filled out a form and waited in the visa line as we expected. It wasn't until we got near the check point that I realized the officials were fingerprinting every single person. My insides froze. The $50 fee seemed like enough of a price to pay for the privilege of entering Kenya. I suddenly felt like a rat in a trap. What was I going to do? 

My first option didn't seem too viable; throw my form up in the air, turn around and run back to the plane. I tried to steady myself. I whispered my observations and conclusions to my Honey as calmly as I could, "It looks like they're going to take MY FINGERPRINTS." His response was casual and confident, but the tone had no affect on me. My mind began raced to figure out a way to avoid the collecting of biological (my BODY) information - to no avail. 

The two+ hours wound down and we stepped up to the counter. There was a small problem with our paperwork and I found a moment to breathe. When the official told me to put my hand on the glass surface I hesitated, but I did it. I don't know how, but I did. He took the money and stuck the visa into my passport. I walked through the opening as if I were a normal human being who'd given up their biological (my BODY) information every day of the week and twice on Saturday. Aaaaagh!

That's the way I react to these invasions of my personal, physiological, anatomical, . . . aka biological (my BODY) information . . . by others. It's more than uncomfortable. It feels like a total assault on my personhood. After all, God made me unique. Nobody else has my fingerprints or retinal surfaces. They can't be changed and, if nothing else, they identify me beyond a shadow of a doubt. I suppose I could avoid detection if I had to by having plastic surgery or dying my hair, but once somebody has my biological (my BODY) information, my goose is cooked. They can track me and find me anywhere!

If at this point you think I'm totally irrational, so be it. I have no idea why I might need to go into deep hiding. I mean I don't intend to undertake criminal activities or anything. Then again, in the world today who's to say what might be considered criminal and/or what might necessitate the need to avoid detection by government officials. There are way too many realistic possibilities. Seriously!

Uh, I just looked at the clock and realized that in approximately 19 hours and 20 minutes I will be presenting myself at the Czech Ministry of the Interior to go through the biometrics process to receive my extended visa. I have no idea what to expect and the prospect is unnerving. Are you with me now?

You might want to ask me what I've been asking myself, "Why put yourself through all this?" Hah, if you only knew how many times I've posed that very same question. The answer has refined itself over time and I think I've got it straight enough to offer it to you at this point.

"From one man he [God] made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:26,27   emphases mine

Almighty God, my loving Father, redeeming Savior, and comforting Spirit, called my Honey and me to move to the Czech Republic. We responded as best we could along side Abraham and Moses, Jacob and Samuel, and so many others, with "Here I am." The LORD has confirmed His hand on us by using us in His service in countless and unexpected ways. He has even been so gracious as to meet our daily needs and beyond.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them case to be." Psalm 139:13-16

God's the One who formed my fingerprints and retinae. They are His to take where He pleases. He made them and He can certainly protect them as He sees fit. Just as my days were numbered before I was born, so my going out and coming in was ordered. My Creator knows me from the inside out. He is with me as much today as He was before I was born and He is trustworthy in every aspect.

In light of these truths, what is a little bit of biometric analysis? When stacked up against God's unchanging character and fail-proof promises, what's the big deal about sharing my biological information? I don't know what will happen tomorrow morning, but I know Who's in charge and He's goin' with me. Hallelujah!

Next Day:
I sure am happy that I wrote the above portion of this blog the day BEFORE we went to the Ministry of the Interior. The LORD used that review of His Truth to keep me walking from the metro to the bus and the bus to the building. The courage the Spirit gave kept me calm as we waited on the sidewalk for the doors to open. Jesus held me tight as we squirmed our way through the crowd of people so we could make it to our appointment. The Father planned the time sitting in a chair to be really short AND for the lady in the little booth to be really friendly. Color me thankFUL!

I sat on a small metal stool in front of a communication window with a low sill, staring into a camera. When I realized the camera was mounted upside down and was staring right back at me my palms started to sweat. The lady slid paperwork over for me to sign, pointing at the spaces I was to fill in - date and signature. My panicky self asked, "Wa ..., wa ..., wait, I can't read what I'm signing!" My fortified-in-the-Truth self reached out, took the pen and did the job.

First came the photo. That was a breeze. Well, except that I never thought of that possibility and my hair was kinda wild. I guess I was laughing about that on the inside because the lady signalled me not to smile. The preview image showed just my face; wild hair and dull expression only. NO RETINAE!  =8-D  I immediately look go of a huge sign of relief. Then it happened . . .

The lady signalled me to put my finger on the little box on the sill, my "forefinger". Up popped a little diagram that showed all my fingers and thumbs. It intrigued me because the words were all in English though it took a bit to realize it. I was thankful I still knew what a forefinger was and that I had put the proper one on the glass screen that formed the top of the box - for each hands.

The smiling lady gave me a few more instructions in Czech which I did not understand. She slid a sheet of paper over to me which was, oh hallelujah, in English and said, "Na shledanou." Hah, that means good-bye. I was released. I smiled and waved and returned her, "Na shledanou." AFTER that I lived through pushing our way back out through the crowd and off to have coffee with a friend. And best of all, we now have an appointment to pick up our two year visas. God is gracious!

Moral of the story:
All the stuff above "Next Day" is not only True intellectually. It is also all True experientially. 

Who knew!

Proclaiming the existence of God in the every day of life can be a tricky undertaking. It's been a desire of mine to do exactly that in small and large ways, verbally and non-verbally for the last 35 odd years. Living cross-culturally makes one particularly sensitive to scouting out and making the most of every such opportunity. Little did I know it could be so easy in the Czech Republic.

You see, it's as easy as "Jak se máš?"   (pronounced 'Yock se mosh' for English speakers)

We started our Czech language studies and in Lesson 1 learned some of the basics; hello, what's your name, where are you from, what do you do, and so on. My Honey and I paid close attention to the pronunciation and intonation as we repeated each phrase with our teacher's help. We did our homework faithfully and came across the phrase "Jak se máš?" 

We practiced diligently and returned to class for our teacher's opening question, "Jak se máš?"  We answered as best we could with "Dobře", the ř sounds like the ř in Dvořak, and made our way through our second meeting. Another adjustment to be made: pedagogical differences.

Since our biggest hurdle is not being able to practice our Czech day to day I decided to give my new favorite phrase a try the next time we went to the grocery store. As the cashier turned from the previous customer to us I asked her, "Jak se máš?" She looked surprised and a bit taken aback. Then she turned a shy smile on me and said, "Dobře." I had no idea how to respond since she didn't ask me, "Á ty?" So I just smiled as warmly as I could and nodded my head in response. 

Phew! I made it. I tried out my first official Czech phrase on a local citizen and lived through it. Hurrah for me!

When we went to class the next week the story of my grocery store encounter bubbled over right away. The teacher stopped and looked at me as if she hadn't understood. I repeated myself carefully knowing that English is her second language. She still seemed a bit distant and then a broad smile broke out on her face. At first I thought I'd made a major cultural blunder. As it turns out, the LORD used my hesitant attempt at practicing my new language to promote the desire of my heart.

Evidently, according to the teacher, "Jak se máš?" is a phrase that is not normally used in such casual interactions as checking out at a store. It's okay to say, "Dobry den." (hello / good day), but "Jak se máš?" (How are you?) is reserved for other settings. It seems that here in CZ a simple "How are you?" is a meaningful question that implies a serious interpersonal relationship - that one person really cares about how the other person is feeling. Of course, the further implication is that certainly nobody would care about a cashier in that sense. 

Pause for contemplation.

Well I did and I do care about how the cashier was feeling. Yes, I wanted to practice my Czech, but I could have chosen other phrases and other situations to do so. I really did want to know how the lady who was serving us was feeling. Why? Because she's made in the image of God and He in His perfect plan caused us to be face to face for a few moments. It was up to me to make the most of that divine opportunity to show forth His existence. 

Maybe if you were there with us when we check out with our groceries you'd understand more fully. Twice a week we make our way through the line with our collection of goods. When the cashier finishes the order before ours, she (or sometimes he) sits back just a bit as the previous customer takes their purchases and loads them into their bags or backpack. The interruption might take only a minute or so. Sometimes it's a bit longer. 

During that suspension of activity it's as if the cashiers' power sources were switched off. Their facial expressions go blank and they sit staring off into space until the way is cleared to begin handling our order. Out pops the usual question about whether we have the club card for their store which we don't. Then the regular routine of scanning prices and pushing products down the ramp begins. We've experienced this exact set of circumstances about 100 times over the last year. 

But this time it was different! As I pondered what the teacher shared I felt more and more excitement. What happened was not merely a bit of language practice. By God's grace I'd been able to establish a small presence on the beach head of Prague. I pray that His Spirit will use my little "Jak se máš?" to let 'my cashier' know that she has value and that at least one customer cares about how she's doing. 

Jeremiah 29:7 tells us that we ought to pray for the nation where God has placed us and my Honey and I do that. It's also important to live in such a way as to give evidence of God's presence before the watching world. So I'm keeping my eyes open for 'my cashier'  every time we head to Billa. Who knows what the LORD has in store?

'Faith' Fails

It's a new month and time to sit down and gather my thoughts. The goal of this blog is to open the envelope of my life and slide out the letter of my experiences with the Father for others to see. As I scan my recent posts I'm wondering where the horizon is in my sharing. For this entry it's deep within.

I fell into an Abyss a while ago. That's the only word I could use to describe the event at the time and it still fits. It was deep and dark, without sensations or limits, totally and intimately paralyzing. I didn't know where I was or who I was. There was no frame of reference, no point of contact, and I was completely disoriented. It was as if my entire reality had crumbled apart.

As I go through my journal I'm beginning to recognize my free fall as a crisis of faith. Now don't jump to any crazy conclusions. I didn't question my redemption through Christ or start to act as if God didn't exist. My mind told me God was still there, but somehow that was an isolated fact. My feelings told me I was entirely disconnected from Him. Fear too horrific to describe seized my soul.

Don't speak - you'll say the wrong thing.
Don't move - you'l go the wrong way.
Don't plan - you'll get it wrong.
Don't think - you don't know anything.
Don't feel - you'll only get pain and trouble.

I'm not sure how my Honey managed. I hardly spoke. I could barely function. The only thing I could relate to was the physical world, the tangible seemed somehow stable. I moved like an automaton with a nasty temper. It was hideous as I was swept into the depths of the chasm. No amount of pawing at the air or releasing silent screams to heaven could halt my plummet.

In what I thought at the time was my Herculean efforts I latched onto a strategy I learned over the years. In order to catch my breath in the midst of overly busy days, I would stop the merry-go-round and concentrate on basic household chores - making meals, doing laundry, cleaning. Suddenly accomplishing those tasks with diligence in every detail became my crusade.

I coped in this way for what seemed like months. It must have been less, but I couldn't keep track of time. I've shared this portion of my ordeal to provide a backdrop for what God has done and is doing in my life. I could give you more details about the ghastly part, but I don't want to dwell on them. After all, this blog is about God's hand at work in the world. So let's move on to the meaningful part of the tale.

One of the routines I thought I was hanging onto was getting up early to spend time in the Scriptures. I admit that the main reason was that I was waking up early and couldn't go back to sleep anyway. By what I now recognize as God's loving grace and intervening power I had chosen the word compassion as my next topic. One of the first verses I came to was out of one of my favorite passages.

"And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion." Exodus 33:19; Romans 9:15  [emphases mine throughout]

My eyes poured over with tears they couldn't contain. IT is all up to God. He will reach out to whomever He chooses. Nothing I am or say or do can cause Him to smile on me and cause what I want to happen. It's His rightful authority, omniscient wisdom, and perfect will that unfold in both the seen and the unseen world. From somewhere the memory returned that God has indeed chosen me to be His own - more tears flowed to express awe, gratefulness, love and much more. 

This Truth was enough for the day. Every time my mind strayed to it, I was struck by the completeness of my inadequacies and the tender yet powerful all-sufficiency of God. "I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion." The words still cause my eyes to mist.

After a few days of pondering this central morsel, my mind groped for more manna to revive my soul. I was reminded of a passage I'd shared with ladies at a retreat not too long ago. I feverishly opened to the reference.

"O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. ²⁰ Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” ²² Then you will defile your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered with gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual cloth and say to them, “Away with you!” Isaiah 30:19-22

"The Word is Truth, nothing is more secure than that - remember, Sandra." was somehow whispered into my ear. I couldn't feel it, but my mind told me God had to be somewhere there in the Abyss or outside it somehow keeping His eye on me. After all, He is El Roi, the God who sees. Since He knows what's happening to me, and His Word says, "As soon as He hears, he will [not may] answer you." it only made sense that God must be in the process of responding to my desperate cries. 

I needed still more so I decided to read the context of the passage. My efforts took me back to the beginning of the chapter and I read through the verses until another one grabbed my heart. It was almost as if God were speaking to me again. 

"This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." Isaiah 30:15

I considered the nouns, repentance and rest, quietness and trust. Well, I thought, this Abyss is certainly a great place for getting rest and quietness. I began to wonder if those two conditions could be benefits of my present condition. The Holy One of Israel was saying that the results would be salvation and strength and certainly those two things were high on my list at the moment.

But the tag-alongs, the coordinated activities had to be repentance and trust. Now that was a combination I was convinced was beyond me at the moment. But the end of the sentence says the Israelites were obstinate and wouldn't listen. I certainly didn't want to be part of that group and taste the same results. For now the quietness would have to be my resting place and yet, I found myself beginning to stack the building blocks of God-breathed Truth one on top of the other.

Over the coming days . . . I remembered . . . God is sovereign. He's in charge of every detail of my life. I realized the Abyss must be part of His flawless plan even though I shrunk from the conclusion. I questioned if it were possible that God meant this experience for my good. Memories of an ever-powerful verse slid back to me.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I began to consider what possible benefits there might be for me in this extraordinary setting. I'd sort of settled into the rest and quietness portions as I stepped back from a number of activities. I had found myself much more peaceful and calm. Maybe it was time to consider the repentance and trust aspects of Isaiah 30:15. I reminded myself of having come to the Father through Christ by God's gift of faith, filled with repentance and overwhelmed by love and gratitude. Trust was another thing altogether though. I knew this was an area I needed to ponder.

My trust factor was a chronic issue for me. I knew I trusted God for my salvation and many things in my life. I'd been walking with Him for many years through countless trials where He alone was my mainstay. Yet the Spirit seemed to be pushing me to look more deeply here. The day came when I saw the reason and it was a shocker. I became aware that I had loaned a good-size portion of my trust, my faith, to other people and even to the skills and abilities God Himself had given me. Whoa, Baby!

I think this is the point when I realized that the Abyss had morphed into a black and silent, cold and dank Cave. I found my feet on a slippery floor, but at least it defined a down. My hands touched a slimy surface as I tried to reach out, but at least it signalled an up. It was as if I were surrounded by a narrow enclosure which actually cheered my soul. At least there was a frame of reference for my body. There still wasn't even a pinprick of light, but I began to hope there might be a way to get out of the darkness if I could just wiggle around a little bit.

It somehow dawned on me that an exit might be discovered through those same four little words, repentance and rest, quietness and trust. I tottered toward the promised salvation and strength by continuing to rest and be quiet while moving on to repent of trusting in anything other than The One True Almighty and Holy God. It wasn't long before He showed me that the crash into which He'd sent me was a massive structural failure of the 'faith' I'd constructed on the side.

The message was clear, "Nothing. Absolutely NO THING can ever be set in El Elyon's proper place - or more accurately attempted to be set, for His Alpha and Omega position is absolutely secure. Slowly the Cave seemed to be more spacious and a tiny light appeared in the distance. I became aware that I might be in a Tunnel as my mind tried to verify what my eyes saw. Assurance of God's presence came to me powerfully as I inched my way forward.

My confidence in the Father's sovereign hand holding on to me the entire time grew. I recognized His fingerprints over many of the details along the way. He was the One who had embedded the strategy into me of going back to the basics of keeping our home. He was the One who had given me the word compassion to study. He woke me up and drew me to spend time with Him. He's the One who led me from Truth to Truth and carried me through my days. He is El Shaddai, the All-Sufficient One. O the peace that erupted in my soul!

But still the Tunnel needed to be negotiated and I knew enough not to trust my own perception for directing or pacing my steps. In my rest and quietness I welcomed the blessing of being able to rely on my Honey, the Head the LORD gave me. I realized all over again what a God-fearing man He'd given me to follow. Further along the Tunnel wall a small beacon was granted, a talk by Elyse Fitzpatrick at the TrueWoman12 conference which I heard online. It was the first time I'd studied much of her focus passage.

"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins." 2 Peter 1:5-10

I knew I needed to concentrate on that list of characteristics because I sure did not want to careen back into the Abyss so my attention was riveted right away. It was the attention Elyse gave to the last sentence that baited me. She claimed that most believers suffer from "spiritual amnesia" as they tuck the awesome Truth of their justification somewhere in the recesses of their minds and carry on with life as usual. Hmmmm, that sounded sort of familiar.

She went on to talk about the once for all, eternal effectiveness of Christ's unblemished life, excrutiating torment, and sacrificial death in our place . . . my place. To me that meant that there is no hammer hanging over the heads of His chosen ones. In effect, God is not saying, "Sandra, get your act together." Christ had His act together every single moment for me, in my place. It was a powerful message right out of the Word that the price for my sin, my weakness, my failures had already been paid in full.

"When he had received the drink, Jesus said, 'It is finished.' With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit."  John 19:30

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him Whoever believes in him is not condemned." John 3:16-18a

Being reminded of the foundation of my life in Christ has led me to a new strategy for my days. When the 'little things' start to get me or I feel stressed about anything I am choosing to stop and tell myself this Truth in my own words, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that Sandra might be relieved in Him and not perish, but have eternal life." That's how personal my Older Brother made our relationship.

Of course the spiritual exercises of life in a fallen world continue as I move toward the mouth of the Tunnel with joy and expectation. I am missing some of the opportunities to recite the Sandra-approved version of John 3:16, but the practice is coming in handy to let go of simple interruptions or irritations that used to really throw me off balance. They are nothing in comparison to the freedom I've been given for my soul. So I travail along with Paul in the similar process he describes in his life.

"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" Romans 7:21-24

Paul continues with the answer to his own question and it's marvelous comfort.

"Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 7:25-8:2

I am refreshed with a new level of strength, courage, and confidence as I rejoice with Paul in gratitude.


As Elyse says, "We can describe justification as appearing before God just as if I'd always obeyed." What relief I'm learning by abiding in this new perspective!

This account is the short version of recent events. My goal in sharing it is to testify to the immeasurable nature of God's love and power, grace and mercy, security and justice as a way to contribute to the glory due His Name. As I've recorded it I seem to have come so far yet have so far to go in repentance and rest, quietness and trust according to the Father's sovereign will. 

I definitely would not wish this kind of severe agony on anyone.   . . .   Then again, maybe I need to rethink that statement. After all, the Abyss led me to the Cave, and the Tunnel is taking me to the Rock that is higher than I. AMEN

"From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2

Scrutinize Sources

The battle is real. As a matter of fact, the word battle appears 208 times in my 1984 NIV translation and the words war and wars are spread liberally throughout God's Word. 

So I guess it's no surprise that for the last couple of weeks I've been hearing the clashing of the swords in this spiritual warfare. The problem is that the sounds of the battle in which I'm currently involved have been close enough, loud enough, threatening enough to drown out every other thought. I recognize them now as an age-old ploy of the enemy and admit that I fell into one of the most common and heinous traps he lays. I'm here to testify that I am only peeking over the edge of the pit at this point by God's merciFUL grace. 

I thought I knew a fair amount about this war. It's made up of many battles on many levels and many fronts. Surprise is an effective tactic and victims of 'friendly fire' are all too familiar. It's necessary to be on the alert at all times because the enemy is always on the prowl. As a matter of fact, Daniel 9:26 tells us that "War will continue until the end."

So what was the problem this time? I ask myself.

For starters I go back to the first sentence of the last paragraph. "I thought I knew a fair amount about this war." Once I discovered and pretty well neutralized the schemes the enemy had thrown at me over a number of years, I settled into a pattern that resembled the Cold War. I still remember the mindset of the years from my birth to 1990 fostered by the relationship between the Soviet bloc and Western nations. The threat was real, propaganda was widespread, but open warfare was suspended. 

I guess it was an okay way to live. My peers and I shared that experience for close to 50 years. We seem to have come through it without too many scars. Yet I'm coming to realize that for followers of Jesus a cold war mentality relative to the spiritual battle can be very dangerous. The enemies of God are relentless and those He's named as His own are always fair game, desired prey. 

Such an attitude can also cause one to slumber in the midst of incredible opportunities.

I'm thinking most of my fellow pilgrims have had what one dear sister calls a 'bungee cord' experience. You know, we lay our sins of gossip or worry, of anger or control, of . . .(fill in the blank) . . . at the altar of the Lord and walk away in forgiveness and peace. After a few steps we take a deep breath at the freedom we're granted and start to look around. Then WHAM! The bungee cord of old habits, ways of thinking and believing and acting, pulls the painful package right off the block where we left it and impresses the sinful practices back into our lives. 

I know this is a reality of the battle in which we're engaged. It's one of the strategies that I've done my best to counteract. Whenever the Holy Spirit has caused me to make progress in setting aside a specific sin I've had my eyes peeled for that bungee cord. If I thought there was any possibility that it was still connected to my package of confession and forgiveness, I'd chop it off at the first sign that it was getting ready to spring. Some days were better than others, but for the most part I beat the bungee cord.   aaaaahhh

No, wait. That's exactly what I'm talking about. 

It's the Phew, I got that one - not perfectly but with a majority of successes - mode that led me into my recent deep pit. 

[I had to stop and have lunch, but I'm ready to carry on now.]

So as I was traveling along The Path avoiding or at least making my way through the usual pitfalls and hurdles, threats and propaganda something came up and totally enveloped me. I think it caught me in the midst of a discussion. It didn't feel like a particularly critical topic, but perceptions hit me and sent me into a tailspin. No matter how my mind tried to process words, vocabulary, or context all I could sense was black nothingness. The blows were so severe that I could barely breathe. Obviously the cold war had taken me hostage.

My immediate reaction was to step back, try to evaluate my wounds, and tend them as best I could. I applied my standard practice of checking my position before the Father to see if I was where I was supposed to be. That seemed fine since He's sovereign over every detail of my life. Of course there was a jolt there as I realized that the impenetrable shroud must be part of His perfect and loving plan for me. Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28-30

I double checked my heart too. Nope, it didn't seem to be particularly arrogant though there's always room for improvement. Yeah, the same for humility and all the other aspects of my character that the Lord is developing by the power of the Holy Spirit. None of the usual suspects appeared to help me solve my plight. The helplessness led to fear and they compounded into terror as my usual arsenal of weapons proved completely ineffective. 

Asaph describes what happened next in Psalm 73:16,17. "When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood . . ."

I must report that a lightning bolt of comprehension did NOT strike me. As a matter of fact, I'm only just beginning to catch a glimpse of what's been and is happening.

Almighty God, full of tender mercies, caused me to continue in my daily times alone with Him. He must get the glory in this as on my own I would have simply stayed in bed grieving in my anguish and torment. Philippians 2:13 tells us, "for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." 

In a gradual process He brought me through several days and many passages of Scripture. The light at the end of the tunnel appeared in Isaiah 30:15. "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: 'In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." Israel sure paid a high price for ignoring the Holy One's directions. What was it God said?

As I meditated I knew the words repentance and rest, quietness and trust were for ME. I grabbed hold of them more tightly, out of more desperation and with more blind hope than any castaway at sea or I have ever known. I had no idea where these freshly imprinted words would take me, but I knew they'd come from the Father's hands and I needed to cling to them. Whatever happened, wherever they took me, I had to hang onto His lifeline.

I don't think I can adequately describe for you the next phase of this frightful journey. I wrestled with the meanings of my new favorite words; repentance and rest, quietness and trust. I wasn't satisfied with a dictionary definition nor even the common understanding of biblical usage. I crawled along the road to touch the hem of my Redeemer's garment that He might reveal to me what I, Sandra, needed to know about these four concepts. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, Jesus has been graciously showing me the strongholds I need to tear down in my life. It was easy enough to begin with rest in the physical sense. It was as the restful days unfolded that I began to get a peek behind the busy-ness that blurred my views of the world, myself, others, who God is and the relationship He longs to have with me. "Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!" Romans 11:33

That was only the starting point and this post is getting longer all the time. In the interest of brevity I'll bring you up to date. God has been continuing the opportunity for growth and development as presented to me in the form of a dark and dense cloud. I've been offered insights into whole new areas of my life that need a deeper application of the cleansing work of Christ. The challenges are something of a battle plan for upcoming fields of conflict. 

But oh the loving kindness and intimate mercies of Jehovah-mekoddishkem, the Lord who sanctifies. In the midst of the challenges He continues to remind me that He knows my frame. Psalm 139  He confirms His authorship of every experience of my life. Matthew 10:29-31  He declares again that there is no condemnation against me for I am in Christ. Romans 8:1  

This very morning God assured me through Isaiah 30:15 of His unmistakable, eternal, guiding presence even as He laid out one particular task for me to apply in my day to day journey .

[God says,] Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me." 

[God says,] Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!
                                                                                           Isaiah 49:13-15 [emphases mine]

It seems there are always comments or opinions or statements made by others that want to pull my mind and heart into their camp, as Zion is quoted above. Nevertheless, I must remember that God surrounds and drowns these falsehoods with His Truth even as it appears here. 

The next operation God is encouraging me to undertake is to check out the source of the messages that come to me, past and present, in light of Philippians 4:8. "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." I've got my telescope and my magnifying glass out and intend to scrutinize any thoughts or feelings, concepts or ideas that try to insinuate themselves into my heart and life. Only God's Truth is going to be welcomed. Anything else needs to be silenced and turned away.

May God be glorified in this testimony to the power and perfection of His sanctifying work in the world through the hearts of His people. Amen

Here's my Heart

We were scheduled to serve the LORD at a family camp.  It was to be a week-long experience shared with 30-40 families. First we were asked to address the youth. That was a new assignment so, a few months ahead, we sought the LORD for what He would have us present. Once we felt we had a good lead on the topics, we set our notes aside as we continued to ponder the subjects. A few weeks later things changed. We were told that someone else had been invited to address the youth and that Curt would be presenting the evening sessions.

I have to admit that we were thrown back on our heels. There was enough time to pull together a new focus, but the problem was that the new assignment was just for Curt. We've always felt and been confirmed in the understanding that our effectiveness is heightened by our ministry as a couple. We stopped and prayed, asking God to help us sort out what He was putting in our path.

Curt chose the topic for his six messages and began the organizing process. (We're planning to post these 'one another' talks at our website, LifeworkForum.org.) Then we turned our attention to what the LORD might have in mind for our overall outreach. What part did He intend for us to play together or for me to play on my own. Was I just meant to fulfill the role of faithful wife throughout the week? Curt came to the conclusion that he needed to contact the organizer of the event to ask what their idea was in this regard.

As it turned out I was given two time slots to speak to the ladies. I was asked to be prepared to address the topics that concerned them by answering their questions. Hmmmm, now that was an easy yet difficult assignment. I didn't need to worry about coordinating a series of talks built around a theme as I've done in the past. There were no short- and long-term deadlines to rumple up my daily life. I just needed to support and encourage Curt in his timeline as we looked ahead to the adventure. BUT, as our departure approached, I began to realize that I also needed to be fully prepared to address whatever topics might be brought to me - right there in front of a gathering of sisters in Christ. Whenever I thought about it, my knees would knock together.

You see, Curt's my head and he usually leads the way into the subjects we're asked to address by laying a solid, biblical foundation. My part is to share ideas and suggestions for the application of the principles He presents into daily life. Then Curt brings a valuable summary and invites me to join him for a period of questions and answers. We feel most comfortable and useful serving side by side in this way. To tell the truth, I was wondering how useful I was going to be in the new format.

We arrived at the event and were welcomed heartily and warmly. People greeted us kindly during the registration and settling in phase. They were very responsive to the talk we gave to introduce ourselves during the first evening gathering. Actually, we felt right at home. It was as if we were attending a family reunion with a whole bunch of cousins we simply hadn't met before. The friendliness continued throughout the week. We were invited to lunch and dinner by different families and every meal was a delightful time of fellowship.

Of course Curt's talks were quite well-received. The group as a whole was dedicated to godly living and therefore exhibited maturity in their faith and practice. There was serious and often deep conversation to be had at various points. The young people reflected these standards even in their times of recreation and fun. Sunday morning provided an opportunity for both of us to truly worship our God and King. Everything seemed to be going swimmingly.

So, you ask, what about my time with the ladies? That's what I really want to share. Now that I've set the scene I'll get to it.

My first time slot was for about two hours in the corner of the barn. The ladies gathered around me, having to pull in close to minimize the distraction of activities at the other end of the space. We opened with prayer and singing the Doxology together, dedication and inspiration for our time together before the LORD. The opening question was to tell the ladies about what happens when homeschooling doesn't turn out as planned. BAM!! Right into the soup. My heart cried out to the Spirit for the right words and I began. The details were not the primary message I wanted to communicate. It was the love, the sovereignty, the faithfulness, the mercy, the power, the kindness, . . . of God that was paramount.

The ladies were quiet and attentive. I could tell they were very interested in what this more experienced pilgrim had to say. I felt honored and privileged, nervous and stretched all at the same time. There were a few questions and after about an hour and a half I think we went on to a couple of other topics. By the time we were done I was drained. We closed in prayer and several of the ladies thanked me as they drifted off to start preparing dinner. Two or three stayed to share more deeply.

Okay, I was useful in the Father's service. I let Him know I was finally feeling as if I could handle the opportunity. Curt and I met up again and we trudged up the hill to our room. We spent some more time sharing with each other and before the LORD. We were thankful and marveled at the Ephesians 2:10 work He gives us to do. Things seemed to be unfolding smoothly and the week continued.

The next session I was given was for 45 minutes three days later. It was to be after lunch and before a beading session for the ladies. I had no idea how that would work because we all know that all sessions at events such as this tend to start a bit late for logistical reasons and the meeting place hadn't really been arranged, as far as we knew. The lady who was to lead the beading session came to me and explained that she wanted to hear me again, but that she would need that time for set up. She graciously suggested that there might be a way for us to combine our offerings. It sounded like a wonderful idea that would solve both of our dilemmas and I heartily agreed.

As God willed it, it was announced that the ladies would take over the dining room up at the house for the afternoon. We opened our time together in prayer and by singing the first verse of Amazing Grace. The Beading Lady had everything laid out and explained the directions to the ladies for what she would help them accomplish. Once they understood what to do she asked them to work silently. When they got started I stood up and offered a few remarks before taking their questions. We enjoyed the cozier, lady-pleasing setting for almost three hours.

It was a blessing to be part of God's unfolding plan - to be in an unexpected place, facing an unknown agenda with ladies whom He brought together at this specific time and place for His purposes. Several ladies brought up deep issues they were facing in their own lives - how to apply 'admonish one another' in the marriage relationship, view the role of women in leadership in the Church, deal with "constructive criticism" aimed at parenting, and others.

To say I was praying like mad the whole time would be an understatement. In a way though, the sharing felt natural, almost as if I were merely fulfilling the role of an older sister. Yes, the LORD has schooled me through the Genesis, Ephesians, and Titus passages about His work in me as a woman. I've offered retreats on the topic. Yet it's one thing to understand it in my mind and quite another to experience in my entire person. When the session ended I felt poured out but not empty - full in the grace and peace of the LORD to whom belongs all glory, honor, and praise. AMEN

So those were my personal offerings. Of course throughout the event Curt mentioned our new book and we both spoke with folks about it. (Go to Children in Church to find out more for yourself.) It wasn't as if I were a jack-in-the-box who only popped out twice in one week. Perish the thought. As a matter of fact, Curt invited me up at the end of his final session and gave folks the opportunity to ask us any questions on any topic. Now that was a treat. It felt like we were some how back in harness together and I was grateful for the blessing.

As Curt would say, "The point is . . .
My expectations for the week were uncertain. Knowing this, I did my best to rest in the Matthew 11:30 yoke Jesus has for me, by the power of the Holy Spirit. In the end, the outflow of all the 'stuff' I've enumerated above was astonishing.

I went to thank one lady who'd given me some floss when our supply ran out. She turned to me and said, "No, thank you. One thing I'm taking away is your comment about 'yield' v. 'submit'. You're right that it's just a modern semantic issue. It's too hard for me to think of myself as a doormat, but I KNOW I CAN YIELD to my husband and that is now my mission."

Another lady took me aside to thank me quietly. Her eyes were teary as she almost whispered, "Thank you for making me feel normal. When you said how you really feel sometimes other ladies in the room shook their heads so I knew they felt that way too sometimes. I guess these overwhelming feelings aren't really so crazy after all. Thank you for making me feel normal."

At one point I was heading toward the door and a husband's path converged with mine. He turned his head and seemed surprised to see me there. He joyously said, "Thank you for encouraging my wife." I confess that I took his words to be a bit of a passing remark and responded in that tone. He stopped walking and faced me, "No, I really mean it. Thank you. You really encouraged my wife!" I understood more of the depth he was sharing and said, "That's the work of the Holy Spirit. Let's both be thankful to Him."

This man's wife later shared with me by email that her life had been impacted through what I'd said in response to someone else's question about leadership in the church. The Holy Spirit had convicted her about some ungodly attitudes and actions that had crept into her life by her involvement and were invading her marriage. She'd been led to confess it to her husband and ask His forgiveness. Hallelujah!

The crowning point of this post is a remark that was delivered to me more than once. "Thank you for sharing your heart." I admit that I didn't know how to respond to that one. I wasn't sure exactly what these ladies meant. As I sought to work it out I thought they must mean for letting them see what was really going on inside me. Ugh! There's a lot of not so pretty stuff in there. Why would they thank me for that? I couldn't really sort it out. I'm beginning to get an inkling of what they meant.

By God's design I'm at a place in my life where His reconciling and redeeming work is gaining ground. As He sorts out my experiences for me He makes Himself known more and more powerfully and intimately. For that reason His presence, His character, His Truth become more of my abiding place. I still remember the past and hurt in the present, but He is my Shepherd in increasing measure. I pray that this is what touches others, that this is what they see in my heart.

My response today to these gracious, meaningfully spoken words is, "My heart is all I have to share. It's the result of God's grace and mercy in my life and there's really nothing else worth sharing. Let's praise Him together."

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20

Psalm 124

The LORD blessed me during my morning devotions in a special way. He always blesses me, but sometimes it's a notch higher than the usual, if you know what I mean. This time I decided to share what He showed me with you so here are my notes.

Because God is on my side . . .
     I have not been swallowed alive.
     I have not been engulfed by the flood.
     I have not been swept over by the torrent.
     I have not been swept away by raging waters.
     I have not been torn by 'their' teeth.

     I have escaped like a bird from a snare.
     I have escaped.

My HELP = the Name of the LORD.
My HELP = the Maker of heaven and earth.

O HALLELUJAH, I am not abandoned.
My Protector is but a breath away as I speak His Name.
My Defender is The Creator of ALL things.
My God, The God, is ALL-sufficient.
AMEN

Shining Silver

It's early morning and I'm praising God for this day. Birds are singing outside my open balcony door and their songs are carried to my ears by the soft breeze wafting through it. The music and coolness join together to make me feel as if I'm sitting by a country meadow instead of in a flat on the outskirts of a major European capitol. At times like these it's easy to join David in Psalm 134:1. "I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips."

The truth is that though many days start out in such a peaceful state it doesn't take long for the pace and pressure of the world to creep in and set a new tone. I'm thankful for a dear friend who, no matter what's going on around her, always manages to find "the silver lining". To be truthful, it's one of the aspects of her character that drew me to her. No matter the pain or confusion, the fear or uncertainty, the disappointment or heartache Doris manages to find some detail about which to praise the Lord.

Since we moved to Prague I've been making a collection of silver lining points. The list jumped out at me today and lifted my eyes along with the birds and the breeze. (No comments on that almost cliché please.) I'll share a few entries with you.

Laundry
There's a load of light color clothes running in the washing machine. It will take almost two hours to complete the cycle. Too long you say? Well, the longer time prevents me from keeping my eye on the clock as I concentrate pushing one load after the other through the process. Instead I just work along on other tasks until I can't hear the sloshing noises any more.

When I realize the wash cycle is complete I pull the clothes out, dropping them into a plastic basket. Since there isn't a clothes dryer here, I head over to the drying rack. "No dryer!?!?!" you exclaim. (I can hear you, you know.) That's right. We don't have a clothes dryer. I have to hang up all of our clothes to dry on racks made for that purpose. They were probably around long before electric or gas dryers and mine are of a fancy metal, folding type - quite modern and stylish.

"But how do you function without a dryer?" you ask. (I got used to my dryer too.) Actually we're doing really well. It's been a treat to have Curt's jeans and trousers (a word chosen in honor of our UK friends) retain their length after several washings. I haven't had to set aside any of my blouses for modesty reasons after being laundered. As a matter of fact, in the last nine months there haven't been any shrinkage issues at all. Hallelujah!

For that matter, I've come to realize that arranging our laundry on the drying racks is something of an art. I need to pay attention to how the items are positioned so that they'll all fit and in a way that will promote the drying process. (One day I loaded too much on one side and had to catch the rack before it fell over.) I also need to pay attention to the weather more than just if it's sunny. If it's windy I need to use clothes pins to hold things in place. Then there's a certain amount of tending I need to apply; bringing the rack inside if rain seems imminent, checking for dryness to get things folded and put away.

"That sure sounds like a lot of more work than just throwing things into a machine and pulling them out dry and ready to wear." (I'm still hearing you.) Yes, I suppose doing laundry without a dryer does take more physical labor and intellectual attention. That's probably true. But I've noticed that there's something about making my way through the laundry process that I find calming. (Yes, I meant what I wrote.) I've pondered this response and I think the reason for it is that doing laundry is one of those tasks that connect me to the basics of life.

When I was simply moving fabric through two machines and putting it all back in its place I was feeling as if I too were a machine. Now that more of my inner self is required I actually give myself more fully to the process. I think the need to keep my focus on the fundamentals of life silences the distractions of the world. Whatever the reason, if you decide to come by for a visit, please don't be upset if I decline your offer to help with the laundry. I want to hang onto the blessings.

Shopping
I've shared before about the 'inconveniences' we've encountered at the stores. Once we thought the label said butter and discovered, after a taste on toast, that we'd bought lard. Sometimes we can't find our favorite brand or type of staple, such as milk, for weeks or months at a time. We've learned that there's no use asking if there might be another size of a clothing item or more stock 'in the back'. There doesn't seem to be any such thing as inventory here. Purchasing needed items can be a stretch, but there's a silver lining here as well.

You see, it's a lot more difficult to take things for granted when we can't be sure we'll have them. We've settled into the routine of grocery shopping, but there's always a sense of uncertainty. Will they have it? Will we find it? What could we do instead? I confess that at first it was disturbing to not have things right where and when we wanted them. Maybe we've simply adjusted to our new situation. The benefit I'm seeing though is that we take less for granted than we used to and we need to trust God far more in our day to day experiences.

I find myself praying that we'll find the milk I prefer, that we'll find the fruits and vegetables we want, and so on. Then there are the SOS prayers that go up when I have to use the scale to get a price sticker. We never check out without prayer. We have to interact with the cashier and I have to get our purchases all packed into our wheeled tote bag before Curt receives the change. Each shopping trip is an adventure that we simply must commit to the Lord. We find ourselves praising Him for every successful trip home.

Old Age
I approach this topic with a few jitters. I've been taken to task for calling myself 'old' with a reminder that we are only as old as we feel. Well, some days I do feel kind of old, but I've taken the comments to heart and want to be realistic. We are not ancient by any means and we relish the energy the Lord gives us to accomplish the Ephesians 2:10 tasks He has laid out for us. I trust I can talk about my gray hair though with impunity. After all, it is gray or, as my Dad would always answer when questioned about his hair color, "Silver." :-D

Two big benefits fit this category.
1. Younger people get up and give us their seats on the bus, tram, and metro lines here in Prague. We deeply appreciate the respect this behavior shows for older people in this culture. It's also nice to rest our weary legs. For that matter, we were able to purchase our transportation cards at a highly reduced rate because of our senior level of maturity. (How was that for a sensitive euphemism?)
2. As retirees we are not seen as being in competition with Czechs for employment.  Our elder status is making it easier for us to make our way through the visa process; another major point for which to praise God.


These are only a few of the many ways that God is working in my life to make Himself and His ways known to me. He's constantly lifting my eyes toward heaven and building a habit of seeing His hand in the midst of whatever circumstances surround me. Perhaps our cross-Atlantic relocation was the impetus I needed to develop these skills. I wonder what it would take for you to follow the counsel of the writer of Hebrews in verse 13:15, "Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise - the fruit of lips that confess his name."


To God be all glory, honor, and praise both now and forever more. Amen