Saturday, October 12, 2013

Saturday Catch-Up

Phew, I finally have some time to share what’s been going on the last couple of days. 

I knew I was getting tired on Wednesday, but it wasn’t until Thursday that I realized just how tired I was. 

It was a cold and rainy day which wasn’t any fun. When I got to the hospital around 2pm Curt was looking pale and ragged. He wasn’t complaining of much pain, but his whole personna was down. I stayed for a shorter time than I’d planned to make space for both of us to rest in the afternoon.

I headed out at the normal time for my dinner visit. 

The bus ride tells the story.

Though I rushed to get there, I missed the trip I really wanted to take and the next bus was later than scheduled.

All I could do was pray and trust.

I couldn’t see out the windows, but the stop and go motion told me we were in the midst of a lot of traffic.

All I could do was pray and trust.

Countless minutes went by and I grew anxious, yet I couldn’t see any clues about where I was or how much longer it would take to reach my destination.

All I could do was pray and trust.

My mind and heart returned to the previous Thursday night and the same bus ride to the hospital, once again I wanted . . . needed to get there NOW, but there was nothing I could do about it.

All I could do was pray and trust.

The foggy windows and seat at the back somehow became my life. I had no control over the timing or the schedule. I wasn’t able to maneuver around the traffic or increase the speed. I couldn’t be sure when I would get there or what I would find once I got to Curt's room. 

All I could do was pray and trust.

Suddenly it dawned on me to the core of my being that what was true for my trip on Bus 180 from Dejvická to nemocnice Motol applies to every other detail of my life and the world around me. The sensation was overwhelming and at the same time somehow reassuring. 

All I can do is pray and trust.

I was face to face with God in the knowledge that my Honey’s life was completely in His hands. I couldn't see anything and had no idea where we were or what was going to happen. There was not one thing I could say or do that could manipulate the outcome I wanted. 

Then just as suddenly there was peace no matter the outcome.

Sorry, can’t explain it any better than that.

Maybe Moses could do a better job by describing his burning bush encounter from Exodus 3.  God called out “Moses! Moses!” from a burning bush and Moses responded, “Here I am.” There’s no report that he screamed or fainted or stood there with a slack jaw. He simply let God know that he was present and accounted for. 

When Moses raised some doubt about how he was going to handle the assignment God had for him, God provided the one fact Moses needed to know, “I will be with you.” 

We finally made it to the stop and as I stood to step off I realized that the driver had a clear view of everything right out through the windshield. He knew exactly where we were, where we were going, and when we would get there. 

God is far above any human agent. He is beyond everything He has created and sustains. He is omniscient and omnipotent. He is perfect in all His attributes and activities. And He calls me by name. Isaiah 43:1

Curt was even weaker and our visit left me more concerned. God took me home and caused me to connect with a number of people on line. He provided the name of a believer who is a doctor from Africa. I spoke with Dr. L. Friday morning. He understands what we've been trying to explain and assured me he would communicate with Curt's surgeon this morning.

That news + a massive increase in Curt's strength + the arrival of Bethany + God's grace = good rest last night. Praise God!

An hour ago I discovered that I've lost 9 pounds (4 kilos) in the last 7-10 days. I have been eating three meals a day, all standard except for two small dinners. It's too much even for the situation and losing weight was an early sign of Curt's deterioration. Please pray!

I am not the woman of superior faith that some of you tell me you see. My heart is racing as I consider the path my Honey is going down and the likelihood that I will follow it. 

The message returns.

All I can do is pray and trust.

And God said, "I will be with you."  Exodus 3:12

It was good enough for Moses and it’s good enough for me.   Selah


  1. Losing weight, though you may be eating, is often a sign of serious physical stress. That is something you've had in spades, dear! Lack of sleep is a major stress builder, too. All of these can cause weight loss! And, I'm imagining that though you're "eating"... it may not be the same type or quantity of food as during "normal" times (whatever those are!).

    Do not borrow trouble! Today's trouble is sufficient for the day! Do not mentally let yourself go down the path of "Oh, no! Curt lost weight and look at him now! That must mean I'll be like that, too!" NO!!! It does not necessarily mean that! And even if it does... His grace is sufficient.

    I watched a movie last night. One of the topics was conquering fear. One character opined this: Fear is just our worst imaginings of the future. It is not rational. It very often does not come to pass as we "fear" it will. Be content in the moment. Be prudent. Be vigilant. But fear is counter-productive.
    Now, this was not a Christian film, not at all (though not anti, either), but I could not think that this could be more spot-on! We cannot change or predict the future. Yes, we can be prepared. Be attentive. Be ever watchful. But fear is something we should not have. "Perfect love casts out fear." There is not a more perfect love than that which the Father has for us.

    You know all this, don't you? But exhaustion has a way of breaking us down. Can you allow yourself a day to ... gasp!... do nothing? Sleep? Eat hearty food? Go see Curt for dinner... but take care of yourself for the whole rest of the day. It is not ungodly to do so!!! You are not being a good care-giver, if you cannot be a good care-taker!!!

    Much love is pouring out of my heart to you and your honey, my dear friends. I've watched you do so many things for the... um... 20? 25? years I've known you two. I *know* your heart. Please feel my virtual arms hugging you. And pass on the hug to Curt! I love you both!

    1. Dear WendyLady, THIS is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. How did you know? *snicker
      I commit RIGHT NOW to rest from the struggle. Besides it's what Curt told me to do too.
      So watch out, here comes my Sabbath rest. :-D

  2. Ok sweet friend, I am so tickled to hear of the progress. Why not have Dr. Friday check you out to see if you have the "fever" and if so then you can start treatment and recover. I am with Wendy though, it might just be all the stress you have been dealing with. But remember, we you, S

  3. I thank the Lord for your courage and sober view of What's going on. I however don't think you are going down the same way. Though few of us ever deserve any thing good from God, I have come to learn that he expects us to trust and believe him for good, for the best ..... all the time.. We're praying and looking to Him with you......

    1. Thank you, Maina. Your words carry much wisdom (as usual). I will share them with Curt and I know he will be blessed to know you are standing beside him. Amen