Saturday Catch-Up

Phew, I finally have some time to share what’s been going on the last couple of days. 

I knew I was getting tired on Wednesday, but it wasn’t until Thursday that I realized just how tired I was. 

It was a cold and rainy day which wasn’t any fun. When I got to the hospital around 2pm Curt was looking pale and ragged. He wasn’t complaining of much pain, but his whole personna was down. I stayed for a shorter time than I’d planned to make space for both of us to rest in the afternoon.

I headed out at the normal time for my dinner visit. 

The bus ride tells the story.

Though I rushed to get there, I missed the trip I really wanted to take and the next bus was later than scheduled.

All I could do was pray and trust.

I couldn’t see out the windows, but the stop and go motion told me we were in the midst of a lot of traffic.

All I could do was pray and trust.

Countless minutes went by and I grew anxious, yet I couldn’t see any clues about where I was or how much longer it would take to reach my destination.

All I could do was pray and trust.

My mind and heart returned to the previous Thursday night and the same bus ride to the hospital, once again I wanted . . . needed to get there NOW, but there was nothing I could do about it.

All I could do was pray and trust.

The foggy windows and seat at the back somehow became my life. I had no control over the timing or the schedule. I wasn’t able to maneuver around the traffic or increase the speed. I couldn’t be sure when I would get there or what I would find once I got to Curt's room. 

All I could do was pray and trust.

Suddenly it dawned on me to the core of my being that what was true for my trip on Bus 180 from Dejvická to nemocnice Motol applies to every other detail of my life and the world around me. The sensation was overwhelming and at the same time somehow reassuring. 

All I can do is pray and trust.

I was face to face with God in the knowledge that my Honey’s life was completely in His hands. I couldn't see anything and had no idea where we were or what was going to happen. There was not one thing I could say or do that could manipulate the outcome I wanted. 

Then just as suddenly there was peace no matter the outcome.

Sorry, can’t explain it any better than that.

Maybe Moses could do a better job by describing his burning bush encounter from Exodus 3.  God called out “Moses! Moses!” from a burning bush and Moses responded, “Here I am.” There’s no report that he screamed or fainted or stood there with a slack jaw. He simply let God know that he was present and accounted for. 

When Moses raised some doubt about how he was going to handle the assignment God had for him, God provided the one fact Moses needed to know, “I will be with you.” 

We finally made it to the stop and as I stood to step off I realized that the driver had a clear view of everything right out through the windshield. He knew exactly where we were, where we were going, and when we would get there. 

God is far above any human agent. He is beyond everything He has created and sustains. He is omniscient and omnipotent. He is perfect in all His attributes and activities. And He calls me by name. Isaiah 43:1

Curt was even weaker and our visit left me more concerned. God took me home and caused me to connect with a number of people on line. He provided the name of a believer who is a doctor from Africa. I spoke with Dr. L. Friday morning. He understands what we've been trying to explain and assured me he would communicate with Curt's surgeon this morning.

That news + a massive increase in Curt's strength + the arrival of Bethany + God's grace = good rest last night. Praise God!

An hour ago I discovered that I've lost 9 pounds (4 kilos) in the last 7-10 days. I have been eating three meals a day, all standard except for two small dinners. It's too much even for the situation and losing weight was an early sign of Curt's deterioration. Please pray!

I am not the woman of superior faith that some of you tell me you see. My heart is racing as I consider the path my Honey is going down and the likelihood that I will follow it. 

The message returns.

All I can do is pray and trust.

And God said, "I will be with you."  Exodus 3:12

It was good enough for Moses and it’s good enough for me.   Selah